I like to take my time looking at my baby when she’s finally asleep in my arms in the evening. I push the hair back from her forehead and adore its roundness, the space between her eyebrows and everything else. She looks so calm and somehow very wise, like she knows exactly what she’s doing with her life. Often times I’m so happy I’m sad. The rest of our lives gets shorter by the day. Sitting in the dark watching my sleeping baby every night reminds me that I’m another day closer to the end, closer to losing her, closer to leaving her. I look up around the room and I realize that I’m also richer by the day. I have yet another day of precious memory, love and experience. I’m at my richest since I’ve become a mother. To lose everything means you have everything to lose.
I’m so glad that my baby is finally asleep. At the same time I also can’t wait to see her smile again. She wanted me just about the whole time I was in the kitchen making dinner. We have some catching up to do tomorrow.