Two months ago I’d circled this week of May as my Week of Hell because of school assignment deadlines. Entering into it, however, I noticed that I’m already exhausted from planning and anticipation. Right now I find myself feeling soft and open because I’m tired, but also there’s nothing I can do but surrender.
Now, this might change as I move deeper into this week but I hope to remain this way. I’ll show up to my work, plug in my hours, and let it go when it’s time to submit. To stay soft and open during each moment with the least resistance, especially when faced with hurdles you can’t control like a delayed bus or a toddler who refuses to go to bed. To not stress out or get mad for the loss of how-ever-many minutes thinking that I could have been working. Essentially, to not waste my energy.
On the mom-side of things, if I’m busy and stressed and my little girl happens to be getting fussier every day, it’s not a coincidence. She is sensitive to my stress levels. She senses it when I’m anxious to get away from her, so she fusses, fights and delays going to bed. In other words, when I’m stressed, she gets stressed. Last night I gave in and laid with her, because it’s important to discern (at least take a guess) and take care of her emotional needs which she can’t articulate. When I’m busy it’s even more important that I choose to forget my to-do list and focus on what’s going on with my child.